Dear citizens of Movie Metropolis,
We at the Battleship Potemkast extend our warmest greetings, and hope this message finds you landlubbers well. For today we stand on the cusp of greatness, at the foot of the mighty river, looking through the spyglass of destiny at the impending death of conventional media. We stand at the forefront of amateur babble about the stuff you love, and we invite you to join us in our quest to disappoint our mothers.
“But who are you?” we hear you cry in that sexy voice of yours. You already know of Quartermaster Stoakes, the greatest movie critic of our generation, but you may not know that he is an integral part of a three man crew aboard a mighty warship alongside Captain Michael Cook and Stowaway Christy Cree, two stand-up comedians who can be found sailing the north of England at the lowest levels of comedy. Born out of boredom, the crew set sail in an attempt to cure it.
The results have been… varied…
At its inception, the Potemkast was designed to be an exclusively movie based podcast, forged by Captain Cook and Quartermaster Stoakes, bonded as they were by competitively pointless movie trivia. The goal every week is simple; to watch as many movies as possible and bring you our thoughts. All of the latest releases and whatever nostalgia we can find, nothing escapes our critical gaze.
It became abundantly clear that despite their best efforts and fantastic facial hair, a two man crew cannot keep a ship afloat. It was then that they begged that the gods of the sea deliver unto them a comedian with ability, passion and punctuality. The gods were in a funny mood that day, and instead delivered unto them Christy Cree, who created his own gulag of gaming gayness where you can get last week’s news tomorrow.
The results have been… inconsistent…
Despite the trifecta being completed and the prophecy fulfilled, it became immediately clear that navigation was a serious issue. At these levels, the difference between north and true north is gargantuan. As a result, the crew often find themselves marooned on the isle on the Creative Corner, where Rob Stoakes pitches one of the many movies he’s written in his head much to the disgust of Sony Executive Cook & Warner Bros Executive Cree. At other times, their bearings send them hurtling into the corals of the gay community and the deep, dark pit that is a night out with Cree. Plus the many icebergs, including sing-songs, kickboxing, Cook’s travel stories and tales of woe and despair.
But we all have a laugh.
So there you have it, citizens of Movie Metropolis. A fictional ship with its own podcast, babbling amateurly about the stuff you love, and some stuff that you don’t. So come aboard, and set sail with us each Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and we shall brave the seas of time hand in hand, heading for the continent of enlightenment, awaiting our dance with Death and waltz with Inevitability.
Signed, sealed and delivered,
The crew of the Battleship Potemkast.
P.S. – yes, we know. We love the music too.