“Do Blairs Witch in the Woods” Blair Witch review

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Written by Rob Stoakes

Oh come on!

I thought video gaming was the realm of terrible, reductive sequel names, what with Thief being the fourth Thief game and Wolfenstein following on from Escape from Castle Wolfenstein 3D, but I guess 2016 is the year that Hollywood catches the same awful virus.

Jason Bourne was the first sign of infection, but now we have Blair Witch as the point it goes terminal. It isn’t even grammatically correct.

“Hello, Mrs Witch? Can Blair come out to play?” Continue reading

“No big bloomers?” Bridget Jones’s Baby review

10933939_858255040882983_331142605952023910_nBridget Jones’s Diary is a classic example of the perfect British rom-com. Upon its release in 2001, yes 15 years ago, it catapulted Renée Zellweger into the public eye and made household names of its other stars.

Its sequel, The Edge of Reason, on the other hand was a dramatic fall from grace, with a lowly 27% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Since then, the series has fallen into a dormant state with talks of another sequel doing the rounds since as early as 2004.

Fast-forward 12 years and the prayers of fans the world over have finally been answered. However, the comedy genre has moved on from the warm, fuzzy rom-coms of the past and in its place are the foul-mouthed female-led films of the present. But does Bridget Jones’s Baby get the balance right? Or is it a good decade too late?

Continue reading

“A teenager punching God in the face” Kubo & the Two Strings review

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Adult animation, and I’m including anime in this, is very similar to the horror genre. It is a genre that is full of potential, has a loyal and dedicated fanbase, is a genre filled with many of the greatest films of all time… and about 99.9999999999999999999999998% is as tolerable and pleasant as sewage water being poured into a mouth ulcer.

The great animated films for adults made outside of Japan can be counted on your hands, and the ones made in Japan can be counted on the hands of any loved one you might have to hand. That list will include everything ever made by Laika. Ok, so they release a film as frequently as Haley’s Comet turning into a cheese wheel and they’re still child-friendly, but damn if those films aren’t worth the wait. When you start your existence as a studio with Coraline, you’re something us mere mortals are only allowed to appreciate in fleeting glimpses. Continue reading

“Put the horror back in horror” Lights Out review

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Looking back on it, I’m not so sure that I liked It Follows as much as I thought I did. While it is tense and much smarter than the average modern horror, there’s not much in the way of scares and it’s got a very ho-hum anti-climax.

Aside from that really good beach scene, it’s mostly an inferior version of Under The Skin. And yet if you read reviews or went on the internet, It Follows was the Second Coming of Horror Christ. The Witch was pretty similar, a film I enjoyed but thought was just good being lauded as a masterpiece. Why? Continue reading

“Utterly ridiculous” Sausage Party review

10933939_858255040882983_331142605952023910_nJust when Sharknado: the 4th Awakens made you think film-making couldn’t get any more ridiculous, a movie like Sausage Party comes along to remind you that Hollywood can always go that one step further to mind-boggling peculiarity.

Of course, that’s not always a bad thing, there have been countless weird and wacky films over the years that have gone on to become cult classics – look at Kick-Ass or even Pulp Fiction for examples of that. But for every Pulp Fiction there’s a Sharknado. So is Sausage Party good weird or as stale as a month-old bagel? Continue reading