Retro Review – Goldfinger: The blueprint for spy films

Goldfinger posterNo Time to Die was originally supposed to be released at the end of April. I had my tickets and everything. During my time in Quarantine, I’ve tried to satisfy my Bond craving in many ways. Watching the 1967 Casino Royale, which was actually the only Bond film that I hadn’t seen, listening to the Bond soundtrack while getting groceries, and writing my own script for a Bond film called More Time to Kill, but after the death of Honor Blackman last month, I rewatched 1964’s Goldfinger.

I have a ton of memories involving Goldfinger, for the most part involving the levels in the videogame 007 Legends, but it was always one of the few Connery’s that actually grabbed me. I also want to preface this review with the fact that I don’t want to use the word iconic too many times in this review, so I replaced every time I say “Iconic” with a song from Abba. So, to prevent us from killing more time, let’s start on Goldfinger. Continue reading

High school movies: Top 5

top 5 high school moviesWell, it finally happened. By the time this article is published I will have likely graduated High School. Gotta say, it’s been a long time coming and I can’t wait to have all the hallmarks of a senior year at the end of this long ro- Coronavirus? Oh, that’s not going to happen anymore, is it? Covid-19 cut a lot of senior years short, along with mine, so to counteract this, in between the best picture winners and Bond films I’ve been watching, I’ve also been watching and rewatching a few classic high school films.

They range from the decent like Fast Times at Ridgemont High, the meh Pretty in Pink, or the totally overrated and terrible Superbad. So because of this, I decided to give my top five movies about high school. I did debate about what films would be on this list. I ultimately decided that just because a movie’s starring roles are mainly high schoolers does not qualify, so movies like Lady Bird, Risky Business, and Rushmore don’t make the list. Continue reading

Bloodshot review “The least of anyone’s problems at the moment”

Bloodshot movie posterBloodshot is available to stream online in the UK (from £9.99) and the US ($20) via Amazon Prime Video

Oh, Vin Diesel. Why are you famous? Also known as the Americanized Jason Statham, replacing charisma with mumbling something-something family. This feels like a movie Statham would have been asked to do about fifteen years ago. Bloodshot, the story of a recently deceased soldier who comes back to life, is one of the three movies which won the honor of being in the last week of releases until mid May.

So, in a year still without a really good comic book film, does Bloodshot manage to fill the gap before we’re left without one for months? Honestly, the answer is pretty surprising, as I think with a few changes, this movie could have been great. So let’s discuss the movie that tens of people are talking about, Bloodshot.  Continue reading

The Invisible Man review “The Dark Universe returns (but this time, it’s good)”

The Invisible Man posterThe Universal Monster films are the original MCU. With their interconnectivity and recurring characters, these serialized adventures were our first look at franchises which could crossover. One of the characters who received multiple films is The Invisible Man. At time of writing, I’ve only seen the first two Invisible Man films, the first of which is an extremely goofy romp that’s enjoyable to watch.

The second is a boring mess that spoils nearly all of the goodwill the first one had. Nevertheless, for the start of the Dark Universe, we were told that it would include an Invisible Man film starring Johnny Depp. Luckily, because that sounds awful, the Dark Universe’s triumphant first firing of the Dark Universe Cannon ended up being The Mummy (2017), which ended up tipping the cannon over right into the offices at Universal Studios and blowing a hole through the office. Continue reading

Gretel and Hansel review “David Lynch’s Nyquill”

Gretel and Hansel movie posterThis movie sucks. I know normally on this site we give a few snarky witticisms about the film we just watched before getting into what we thought about the movie, but this movie honestly doesn’t deserve it. Gretel and Hansel is an adaptation of the classic fairy tale with a dark and edgy twist, because it worked so well with the last time they tried it with Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, with a few big names attached to it including Sophia Lillis of It and Alice Krige of Sleepwalkers, and my gosh, it’s awful.

It is such an abhorrent attempt at an Oscar-bait horror film that I have no comedy left in me for this opening. So, let’s walk into the house (and then sit there for an eternity) and watch Gretel and Hansel.  Continue reading