The problem with video game movies

The problem with video game moviesToday, I become a trailblazer for all. What I’m about to do is a first that the world has never seen. I’m going to talk about video games on the internet. My knowledge of video games and rating those is the exact opposite of my knowledge of movies. The most I know about game critique is the fact I’ve watched Zero Punctuation for the last six years. However, I do still play games like NBA2K, Mortal Kombat, Hitman, and Animal Crossing. I enjoy these games, but I recognize that a lot of people don’t. It’s hard for me to defend my position as I don’t know a whole lot on the subject.

But I do know things about movies, and boy does Hollywood try to merge the two a lot! I, as of writing, have seen roughly two dozen video game movies, which range from 4 ½ stars to less than a half star, and I haven’t even seen the really bad ones (Alone in the Dark, Ratchet and Clank, DOA). Upon my research, looking at critic and audience scores, video games are better now than they ever have been before. So why do they still suck so much? Well, I decided to look at three examples of video game movies (The Best, The Worst, and the Blandest) to determine what makes video game movies so awful. Continue reading

Scoob! review “ruh roh”

Scoob! movie poster

Putting on a Scooby Doo movie is the truest form of gambling. You can end up with a great time with something like Scooby-Doo: Pirates Ahoy and Scooby-Doo: Stage Fright, or you could see Scooby-Doo and WWE: Curse of the Speed Demon and Scooby Doo and KISS: Rock and Roll Mystery (The crossovers aren’t great). As I am the world’s foremost expert on the subject of Mystery Incorporated and their many endeavors, I approached the newest theatrical, well, almost theatrical, film, Scoob, with cautious optimism.

The first trailer made it look like it’d be a fun, enjoyable time. Then came the second trailer, followed by the countless ads on Vudu, which made my excitement tailspin. Then I bought, yes, bought the movie so I could watch it forever and ever. To put it mildly, this is the film equivalent of Scrappy Doo, because it’s the worst Scooby related material. I can’t put the pain of reliving the movie any longer, “pets” talk about Scoob.

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Retro Review – Goldfinger: The blueprint for spy films

Goldfinger posterNo Time to Die was originally supposed to be released at the end of April. I had my tickets and everything. During my time in Quarantine, I’ve tried to satisfy my Bond craving in many ways. Watching the 1967 Casino Royale, which was actually the only Bond film that I hadn’t seen, listening to the Bond soundtrack while getting groceries, and writing my own script for a Bond film called More Time to Kill, but after the death of Honor Blackman last month, I rewatched 1964’s Goldfinger.

I have a ton of memories involving Goldfinger, for the most part involving the levels in the videogame 007 Legends, but it was always one of the few Connery’s that actually grabbed me. I also want to preface this review with the fact that I don’t want to use the word iconic too many times in this review, so I replaced every time I say “Iconic” with a song from Abba. So, to prevent us from killing more time, let’s start on Goldfinger. Continue reading

High school movies: Top 5

top 5 high school moviesWell, it finally happened. By the time this article is published I will have likely graduated High School. Gotta say, it’s been a long time coming and I can’t wait to have all the hallmarks of a senior year at the end of this long ro- Coronavirus? Oh, that’s not going to happen anymore, is it? Covid-19 cut a lot of senior years short, along with mine, so to counteract this, in between the best picture winners and Bond films I’ve been watching, I’ve also been watching and rewatching a few classic high school films.

They range from the decent like Fast Times at Ridgemont High, the meh Pretty in Pink, or the totally overrated and terrible Superbad. So because of this, I decided to give my top five movies about high school. I did debate about what films would be on this list. I ultimately decided that just because a movie’s starring roles are mainly high schoolers does not qualify, so movies like Lady Bird, Risky Business, and Rushmore don’t make the list. Continue reading

Bloodshot review “The least of anyone’s problems at the moment”

Bloodshot movie posterBloodshot is available to stream online in the UK (from £9.99) and the US ($20) via Amazon Prime Video

Oh, Vin Diesel. Why are you famous? Also known as the Americanized Jason Statham, replacing charisma with mumbling something-something family. This feels like a movie Statham would have been asked to do about fifteen years ago. Bloodshot, the story of a recently deceased soldier who comes back to life, is one of the three movies which won the honor of being in the last week of releases until mid May.

So, in a year still without a really good comic book film, does Bloodshot manage to fill the gap before we’re left without one for months? Honestly, the answer is pretty surprising, as I think with a few changes, this movie could have been great. So let’s discuss the movie that tens of people are talking about, Bloodshot.  Continue reading