“Waaaaacky” Colossal review

14886217_1040838869357950_851251975_nBy Rob Stoakes. Speaking as someone who is constantly marketing (go listen to my podcast and buy my debut novel) I can tell you right now that if there was a list of the worst things in the world, marketing would easily be in the top twenty, a space above the Suffolk Strangler and a space below a performance of Mamma Mia cast entirely with acid-spitting hornets.

It is a hideous thing, intruding on your lives, tricking and lying the gullible and vulnerable, and badgering people into buying overpriced products they don’t want. Though did I mention that you should listen to my podcast and buy my debut novel? Continue reading

“Here we go again” Pirates of the Caribbean: Salazar’s Revenge review

14859347_1040969846011519_1192281544_o-copyI can’t be the only one surprised that the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise has managed to withstand five films. Created on a whim by Disney in 2003, the first film propelled Johnny Depp into the lives of movie fans like never before.

However, come 2017 and Depp’s star is sinking faster than the Black Pearl. After three pretty dreadful sequels, the cast reunites for Salazar’s Revenge. But does a change in directors herald a new and exciting path for the plucky pirates? Continue reading

“Schrodinger’s Film” King Arthur: Legend of the Sword review

14886217_1040838869357950_851251975_nThere is a thought experiment that is used to help make sense of the Copenhagen Interpretation of Quantum Mechanics. Say you have a cat, a box and a fragile vial of poison. You put the cat and the poison in the box knowing that the vial may break, you lunatic.

At this point, so goes the thought experiment, until we can perceive whether or not the cat is dead, the cat is dead AND alive simultaneously, and it is only when you look into the box that you know whether you have a friend for life or a Korean meal.

I bring this up because I often insist that I prefer a bad movie with great moments than a movie that’s adequate across the board, but Guy Ritchie’s most recent film certainly puts that to the test. It’s almost my favourite film of the year but is full of nigh-unforgiveable blunders that I don’t think I can watch it again. But I don’t regret seeing it. King Arthur is both good and not good and the cat is still in the box. Continue reading

Exclusive: Interview with The Lost World’s Vanessa Chester

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Foreword by Adam Brannon. Jurassic World 2 is currently filming in numerous locations across the UK and this week marks the 20th anniversary since the franchise’s second film; The Lost World was released across the globe. 

The film was warmly received and grossed over $600million at the global box office. The film’s success spawned Jurassic Park III in 2001 and of course Jurassic World in 2015.

To celebrate the film’s 20th birthday, I had an exclusive chat with Vanessa Chester, who starred alongside Jeff Goldblum, Julianne Moore and Vince Vaughn as Kelly, the confident daughter of Dr. Ian Malcolm who will see returning to the series in Jurassic World 2 next summer. Continue reading

MM Top 5: Alien films

14886217_1040838869357950_851251975_nBy Rob Stoakes. So over at the Battleship Potemkast, the finest podcast on the seas, we’ve been doing a few retro reviews of the mainline Alien franchise in celebration of Alien: Covenant, which to be honest is a bit of a rubbish name. It’s the Matrix syndrome of taking a cool sounding word that means nothing and pairing it with alien. Alien Synthesis. Alien Carbohydrate. Alien Titillation.

Anyway, Alien is very similar to Star Wars, in that it is the absolute king of its own genre, space opera for Star Wars and sci-fi horror for Alien, and one of the most popular multimedia franchises this side of Pokemon, and the highs of the franchise are so good that it somehow makes people forget that about 90% of it is absolutely terrible.

So, of course, I am a huge Alien fan, so I get to drop the pretense of professionalism and indulge in my inner child, which normally I lock in the shed, to find out which of the mainline Alien films is actually the best. Strap in, folks; this road is bumpy. Continue reading