“Crème Fraiche on a microwave hotdog” Fences review

Fences review: by Rob Stoakes

UK certification: 12A

14886217_1040838869357950_851251975_nThe Oscars are a marketing gimmick!

There, we’ve got it out of the way. Everything that you’ve secretly and cynically suspected about the Oscars is horribly correct.

It is a multi-million advertising campaign where the winners are primarily the films that want promoting as decided by a room full of old farts with increasingly out-of-date ideas who were all bribed for the privilege of watching movies. Continue reading

“A letter to Antoine Fuqua” The Magnificent Seven review

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The Magnificent Seven review: by Rob Stoakes

UK certification: 12A

Dear Antoine Fuqua,

Mr Fuqua, or may I call you Antoine? Tony? I don’t know why I’m asking, you can’t respond to me. Tony, we need to talk. It’s about your movies. They’re not very good.

Now, technically, I will say that you’re competent. You know how to frame a shot clearly and carefully and all of the information the audience needs is clearly on screen at any given time, which in this day and age is a massive compliment. No, really, it is; you know that action scenes and actors should carry an audience’s attention without needing to be enhanced by dizzying, rubbish shaky cam. Continue reading