Tolkien review “We Get It! You’re Pretentious!”

Tolkien movie posterImagine a thin sheet layer of ice spread over a super deep lake. Now imagine that a person steps on the ice and falls through. When they try to get out, they can make some small dents, even punching holes through the ice at points, but at the end they remain stuck in the water. That’s how I’d describe Tolkien.

There is this thin layer of a really boring biopic about the life of J.R.R Tolkien, writer of The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit, and that person is this enjoyable romantic war film that I think is what this film should have been. Heck, it’s not like the Tolkien family actually worked with the filmmakers, they actually disowned the film! Well, that’s besides the point. Let’s dive right into Tolkien. Continue reading

“Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiinsdaaaaaaaaaaaaale” Legend review

LEGEND   (UK CERT: 18)

Director: Brian Helgeland  

Music: Carter Burwell

Starring: Tom Hardy, Emily Browning, Christopher Eccleston


REVIEW AUTHOR: Rob Stoakes

Copyright: Studio Canal

Copyright: Studio Canal

This supposedly “based-on-a-true-story” telling of the story of the Piranha Brothers is easily the worst film ever made, because of its obvious incorrect events. Spiny Norman the giant hedgehog never turns up, Harry “Snapper” Organs is disguised as Doctor Who rather than Gloucester from King Lear, and Doug never once uses his trademark sarcasm. Zero stars out of five.

Right, now that the obligatory Monty Python jokes are out of the way, we can actually discuss Legend. This is similar to a previous film of this year, Southpaw, in that the main draw is a single performance. Or rather two; Tom Hardy as both of the Kray Twins. This is far and away the best aspect of the film, with the seamless effects and cinematography and Tom Hardy’s towering performances convincing you that Ronnie and Reggie really are portrayed by two completely different people. Continue reading